Studio CX 2017 - The Tarentino Bloodbath - results and report

The results one can plainly see here, in this careful chart. So, that was sarcasm, friends. This is a highly nuanced archival piece that took multiple skilled interpreters quite some time to decipher.

Long time readers might recognize a few ad hoc categories by hopeful racers... like "BEERS". Well, it's obvious everyone had "BEERS" (do we have to yell about it?), but really, only a few thought they would publicly share how few they had...

Further clarification might be warranted for the LBJG lap/s. A new brew pub has opened, The Little Brown Jug, near our fine race venue. They've been open for about three months, and still have one (1) beer available. It was a decent Belgian with the name of 1919, but it would be nice if they would have had at least two (2) options available. Some did two LBJG laps, while another, equally strong contingent did the Smoke's Poutine lap, and a LBJG lap. In a surprise turn, a number of formerly stalwart racers DNF'd the Smokes lap. Their names will be kept in confidence, as this has the ability to affect life and work in the future.

So, the overall recap reads thus:
Bloodbath, media lap, bloodbath, poutine/LBJG, more bloodbath, piled a lot of shit on Olli then banged drums and he still didn't wake, BigL, bloodbath, breakfast lap.

Overall Results:
(again, don't be surprised if you failed to follow from the chart, there's a lot of ins; a lot of outs on this one, including some very bad lying... and while on this sidebar, can this secretary become personal, and ponder on G's performance? A stellar effort all around, only to be sidelined by what some argue is a technicality (to be countered by references to Vietnam and rules): after years of experience on the tour, the man brought no chips. None. Call it oversight, call it poor planning, call it maybe he had to pack his crap on his own without his good spouse to oversee, but it's a disappointment for certain. Also, more broadly, the DNFs ruled the day, in a bad way as you'll see.)

1 (tie). Energizer - 10 laps
1 (tie). The Secretary - 10 laps
2. Impaler - 9 laps
3. KK - 1 lap

DNF
Vic
Mike G
Olli (see the piling on Instagram)
Graham (the lesser)
Cousin Thomas
JonnyS
The Hipster
Howden (although the chicken was appreciated)
The Cycle Chick (the picture with the wine and missing teeth was a race highlight)
The Giant
The Awesome One

DNS
G
The DFL
The President

Huge thanks once again to JP for the fine hosting.