Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Gluttons Cross: The Rules

Less than 5 hours, boys and girls. No more snacks from here on out. Unless it's chips. Chips don't count.

8pm at the East India Company.

Some have asked about rules. Here they are. But that's not to say there won't be amendments and/or new rules created while we eat.

1) A plate is defined as 500 grams of consumable food. No, this does not include the plate. Bones, shells, or anything else not consumed must be weighed out before a plate is deemed official.

2) If your plate comes in under the minimum weight, a two samosa penalty will be applied. The samosas are small there. And you still have to go back and make sure your plate is over the minimum. If you go over 500 grams, it's your own damn problem. 1000 grams of food still only counts for one plate.

3) The first plate and the first pint of Darkness represent your entry into the race. You are not racing until the plate is finished and your glass is empty. Note that some alternatives to the Dark might be deemed acceptable. Little Scrapper, for instance. But not just anything. Best to ask before you order.

4) Every subsequent plate gives you a three minute credit at the start of the riding portion of the race. So, for example, eat 3 plates and you get to start riding 6 minutes before someone who only finishes one.

5) Each additional pint gives you a one minute credit at the start of the riding portion of the race.

6) The route will be the same as last year. It will include as much river trail as possible between the restaurant and the klubhaus. Hal and I rode it last night on the way back from the MCA meeting. The trails are in good condition, except for the presence of some very big cracks that could perhaps swallow up someone such as the Cricket. The route will not be marked and there will be no maps or cue sheets. We will try to explain it the best we can at the restaurant.

7) The finish line is represented by the bottom of the glass of the first pint of Darkness you consume at the klubhaus.

8) If you can't hold your food down, you are out of the race. If you hurl and fail to clean up after yourself, Brad the Impaler will punch you in the face. Puking at any point in the evening (yes, even after the finish-line pint) constitutes a disqualification.

9) Fat Bike penalties will be applied. How much? We don't know. But it will be more than the amount of time those silly things will save you during the ride over to the klubhaus.

Finally, in case you have managed successfully to block it from your memory, here is how things played out last year. It was easily the best edition ever.

For the record, the Nordic Cross standings after the first two races look like this:

Chris 45
Mark 44
Jonny G 39
JP 39
Luke 30
Graham 26
Darryl 25
KK 25
Vic 18
Lyle 16
Craig 15
Kelly 14
Penner 11


Anonymous said...

Here's my game plan if I were attending:

Step 1) Show up.
2) Eat entry plate.
3) Drink a pint of Dark.
4) Drink a pint of Dark.
5) Second plate. 509g exactly
6) Pint of Dark
7) Pint of Dark
8) Pint of Dark
9) Pint of Dark
10) Get to the club house 4th overall
11) Finish the 'Finish Line' pint.
12) Win it all.

You're welcome to borrow my strategy if need be.

wv: saling (to victory)

Cricket said...

Sadly, I'm out this time. I'll be sure to come around afterwards to observe the fallout though

KK said...

Stay hungry, my friends. See you later at the klubhaus.

g said...

See...that's why I didn't open the link to last years report.

I am so hungry right now.

KK said...

I think this cold medication has other plans for me tonight...no...klubhaus....zzz...