Friday, June 07, 2013

TNR Report - Welcome to Hoogerland

While it may not be Tuesday, or even Thursday for that matter, Friday is as good a day as any to reflect on the grand event that was the TNR. It was on the NTBFW* decree of both the Impaler and the Dark Lord that we pedalled ourselves directly to the Klubhaus for an urgent debrief of the arguably grander event that was the Gran Fondo Catskills with none other than the Honorary Captain.
This was good news for The Hipster who was portaging some rather delicate cargo.
What occurred in the Catskills was nothing short of epic, with not one, but TWO near death experiences for the DFL. The first was a near miss of being completely pancaked by a two car collision mere feet away from the group as they stood on the shoulder of the road. Clearly hillbillies are not accustomed to the sight of men in spandex.

The next day, perhaps in an attempt to win the attention of the Honourary Captain, His Lordliness did his best Johnny Hoogerland impression and rode into a fence (of the non-barbed variety) whilst avoiding a crash that happened right in front of him fifteen kilometres into the ride.
As you can imagine, the remaining one hundred and forty-five kilometres were powered by enough rage to fuel every illegal moonshine still in the Catskills.

Thankfully the Power of the Dark Side prevailed, and, like the hipsters eggs, the DFL returned home safely.

Carnage photo and catchy headline courtesy of Lesli Cohen, Editor in Chief of

*Not To Be fucked With


patrickleaman said...

I saw the whole Hoogerland incident in the Catskills. People don't get back up and ride after that. Especially 80 miles. I will say I take pride in actually slowing you down after the incident. I made you look me in the eyes. I made you give me your helmet. You did both without complaining. Much. Your helmet was unscathed and not cracked. You put it back on and mumbled something about "let's go then." The main group was gone, the others who went down were still behind us and in another 2k the road turned right, and went up to the first timed climb of the day. That was the last I saw of you until we were at the bar some 5 hours later. Not because i dropped you, but just the opposite. Had I known when you were doing your best Vinokourov and climbing back up the hill to your bike and the carnage that you were not hurt (and thus proving you are not really a real person) I would have pulled out my phone and you'd have even better photos to go with this post.

Best: @leamansterms

Brad the Impaler said...

We don't call him the DFL for nothing.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like the riders the Darklord was riding with should have forgot about their catskills and worked more on their bikeskillz. Did I really just type that? Pathetic!