Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Faster Alleycat Kill! Kill! Report

It has been a long time since the FGBC organized an alleycat race. Halberto got it all started a number of years ago. That was back when he used to ride with us. And then, of course, there was the infamous Burger Cat race. It wasn't necessarily a good experience at the time. But its awesomeness is demonstrated by the fact that two years on we can still remember the details as if it were yesterday. But it wasn't yesterday. Instead, yesterday featured a different sort of race alogether. Six movie theatre complexes were identified and assigned randomly drawn numbers. Our task: identify the movie playing at the specific theatre in question. It was harder than it seemed, in part due to the fact that a couple of the theatres were closed by the time we got there. This led to some quick strategic calculations and, at times, pure guesswork. At least for some. Others were led to bad words or the kind of despair that left them unable to supply an answer at all. This latter approach is not recommended. It was employed by Josh. Though he was the third rider to arrive at the klubhaus, he dropped down to 8th on account of his failure to supply half of the answers. It seems the answers were there to be found. It just depended on how willing one was to look for it.

There were a few incidents. KK and Vic both flatted. And the Cricket had to attend to a broken spoke. This proved sufficiently distracting that he missed the final theatre and got lost.

The arrival at the klubhaus was as follows:

Thomas - 11:00 pm
Chris - 11:01
Josh - 11:10
JP - 11:11
Brad - 11:11
Jonny G - 11:14
KK - 11:21
Craig - 11:21
Vic - 11:21
Rene - 11:25

After the results were adjusted for accuracy, however, things looked a little different. 5 minutes were subtracted for every wrong answer.

Chris - 11:06
Thomas - 11:10
JP/Brad - 11:11
KK/Vic - 11:21
Jonny G - 11:24
Josh - 11:25
Craig - 11:31
Rene - 11:35

One note of clarification: Thomas's friend Rene spent much of the time riding with Thomas. This is what friends do. He assumed that this meant he would be awarded the same finishing time as Thomas. So he went shopping for groceries. In terms of household management, this may have been a wise decision. In terms of racing, however, it was a poor one. In case anyone is confused, let us try to state our assumptions as clearly as possible for future reference: your race finishes when you reach the finish line. We encourage you to ride with your friends, whether real or imaginary. But their finish time is not yours unless you arrive at the finish together with them.

Once the results were tabulated, Vic entertained us with stories of his many near death experiences. It is a long list. And, since he's still with us, rather entertaining.

Good times. We will do it again.


JP said...

Good Times!!

El Presidente said...

Inviting all interested parties out to Altona June 24th. Big day for the ABES. Alleycat. Lorne's last ride. And its a Thursday night. We all love Thursday nights. They lead to early Friday mornings.

The Dark Lord said...

That is a good idea, Swatty. But the problem is that it coincides with the Wolseley Wheels windup bbq. I think.

By the way, it came to our attention during the Spring Ride that some people still don't appreciate the difference between The President and El Presidente. We kind of like that.

El Presidente said...

Hmmm....President(e) confusion? How can this be? I mean apart from being tall, dark haired, glasses-wearing and extremely intelligent Brian and I have almost nothing in common. Other than our CMBC alumni status, sketchy cycling crashes, fondness for going deep in Ultimate...

Oh oh. Maybe there is only one of us.

El Presidente said...

And if you're still looking for pledges you'll have to come to a ride. Rumour has it the ABES have literally bags of cash waiting for a good cause. Again, rumour.

Tom K said...

Bags of cash you say? ... hmmmm!

Pres-t vs El Pres-te! ... check!
Actual differences?!? ... softride!

Got the promised Promo Video for the 24 Hrs of Falcon Ridge up here:

The Dark Lord said...

Keep trying Tom, you're getting closer.

The Dark Lord said...

We will be there for a ride. One of these days. Maybe not on June 24. But we will find a way to ride with you and retrieve your cash. Be patient.

Anonymous said...

Agreed, JP. That ride was Eppic.

Joshua G. said...


The Dark Lord said...

Josh, you are such a whiner. You are docked an additional 10 minutes. You are now tied with Rene. But you lose the tiebreaker on account of your whining.

Perhaps you should head over to Dorning's blog. Whining seems to be sanctioned there.

Joshua G. said...

No whining intended. Yeesh! I merely enjoy a little good-natured bickering about rules, especially as compared to slander. I suppose I can try to let this go, though, coming from somebody named "dr. divisive"

Neuf said...

Whilst enjoying a cajun burger in Tacoma last night, I was filled with memories of sweet victory. With my plans to be in in the vicinity of a TNR in August - anyone care for a remix? Might the trusty Univega once more be the chariot of victory in the flatlands?

El Presidente said...

Sounds like the FGBC alleycats end up the same as the ABES alleycats - bickering over disputed rules. One hand does not suffice the times I've been robbed of higher placement due to their inadequacy. One day. We'll run the perfect alleycat...

the secretary said...

The Univega will need a bit of TLC. It was the daily driver for our president during the spring.
Would you be wanting functioning gears?
I still half lament missing the last burgercat. Walking in on the wreckage was pretty fun, though.

The Dark Lord said...

I doubt you'll find any takers for Burger Cat II, John. But we have been talking about an espresso cat. How is your caffeine intake?

g said...

Let's not forget about the "sensible progressive supper" alleycat.

could be fun

Neuf said...

Espresso cat has potential. I assume you have all seen the trainwreckish documentary 'Starbucking'. One man's attempt to drink an Espresso at every Starbucks in America - his daily record in the 'hood of 25, seriously impacted the man's functionality.

I ride SS exclusively our here - gears not needed. Thanks D.

Anonymous said...

I'm a taker for Burger Cat Part Deux. And a Progressive Mealy Cat too, for that matter.

René said...

As a clarification, perhaps because of my thick French accent no one understood me, but I never asked to be lumped in with Thomas' finish time. However when I was asked for my theatre list I let it be known that Thomas' list was essentially my own minus Polo Park. Thus I should probably be even further back, like 11:40. Please in the future, never assume that I assumed & bring a French-English dictionary. S'il vous plait!

The Dark Lord said...

We do lots of assuming around here. It's kind of what we do. You want to ride with us, you just have to tolerate it. Or start your own bike club. Mon Dieu!