Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Gluttons Cross Report

I just realized I forgot to eat breakfast. It is now almost lunch time and I'm still not hungry. At all. That's how awesome it was last night.

The mood was bouyant at the start. It always is.

We were in the presence of a legend. His quiver of heroic qualities, however, does not include the skill of being able to estimate how much a plate of food weighs. He was WAY over the 500 gram minimum. Like almost double. Twice. A major strategic blunder. Liam got the closest to nailing it. His first plate was an inconsequential 2 grams more than the legal minimum. Very impressive. Notice him shooting the legend a scornful glare.

The Hipster did not live up to the hype. Failure is a beautiful thing. It makes us love him all the more.

JP went out hard. But he crashed even harder. "It all seemed so managable," he mumbled, before disappearing to the boys room to DNF.

Others found themselves emboldened by the new lower minimums. Three plates. First time ever.

The Impaler also polished off three plates, the last of which consisted entirely of rice pudding. It was a jaw-dropping and potentially game changing move, even if it was not part of his game plan. He claims to have shown up without any ambitions for the overall podium. But when the start gun was fired, he found himself unable to hold back. That is why we love him. Three plates plus an additional pint meant that he got to leave first, a full minute ahead of the other three-plate finishers, Juan Eppstein and me. He was second into the klubhuas. And second to find the finish line at the bottom of his glass. But immediately thereafter, he arose to make the long, lonely walk down DNF lane. Bummer.

The winner? Gianni! A complete surprise. For the first time ever, the overall victory went to someone who did not finish among the top performers of the buffet stage. Chapeau Gianni. That was awesome.

Full Results:

Gianni (2 plates)
Dark Lord (3 plates)
Cricket (1 plate!)
Juan (3 plates)
KK (2 plates)
Jonny G (2 plates)
Darryl (2 plates)
Mennonite Lady (1 plate)

Tenacious V
Cousin Thomas

We have yet to debrief the new format. But it was interesting. Never have we witnessed so much gastronomic carnage. And neither have we been treated to the kind of drama that was on display at the finish line. Brilliant.

The poosher and the evil temptress joined us the klubhaus. It was pretty quiet for the first 45 minutes. Lots of moaning. Few words. But things eventually came around and the usual jollity and confabulatory goodness ensued.

Tunes? Red Hot Chili Peppers, Weezer, Foo Fighters. Or so I'm told. Malorie was at the controls. A nice diversion.


KK said...

I'm feeling sorry for my cube farm neighbours today.

Thomas - did you forget something in the parking lot last night? I have your helmet, Oma-knit headband, and a single glove.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, KK. I suck.
Had to re-arrange the car to get two bikes to Gtown and coincidentally left some stuff behind.

I felt great this morning, btw.

I see the resemblance.

Anonymous said...

wv: nophoo

CycleChick said...

Magnificent. You guys are The Shit.

The Dark Lord said...

That is an interesting observation, since shit is exactly what many of us felt like last night.

KK said...

Reference Thomas' post above for what Deb thinks resembles the Cricket.

The Dark Lord said...

I don't see it. But I almost always see him with his shirt on.

KK said...

His face is a bit swollen in that one from getting pummeled. This one's better a bit better.

I agree. Not a really strong resemblance, but I figure if a chick thought I looked like him, I'd appreciate the compliment.

Cricket said...

yeah, I'll take the complement. I really need to get me some of that sweet cauliflower ear though. You know a guy means business when his ears look like that.

Brad the Impaler said...

Well played Ian. I thought that guy was DQ'd, and by the time I noticed him draining his beer with fire in his eyes, it was all over. And went down hill very quickly.

That was the second worst beer I've ever had. The post Burger Cat benchmark will hopefully never be eclipsed. The ride home was leisurely, but by the time we were halfway home, I felt pretty good.

I even ate breakfast this morning, and was hungry by 11:00 and needed to order in pizza.

Kim said...

HOLY crap dudes! Barf-fest 2010.
Harden the F - up eh. I think you're failing at that rule. ;-)