E3 Prijs Report, as sung by Morrisey

As in Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before. Click on the link to watch the video. It has bikes. And a Lad's Club. We might have to change the name of the klubhaus to the Lad's Club.

In any case, what Morrisey is trying to say is that my boyfriend kicked ass again today. And this despite several flats and mechanicals, which were even more complicated this time around due to the fact that this was one of those radio free European races. Tom Beans was wise to sit this one out and opt instead for Gent-Wevelgem tomorrow. Having to spend the week before Flanders trying to explain to the ravenous Belgian press how he managed to endure yet another spanking from my boyfriend would no doubt be so tiresome. Canuck hardman Svein Tuft rode an impressive race, even though he slipped outside the top 10 at the end. Between Tuft and Dom Rollin, not to mention Hesjedal on the Strade Bianche, it is nice to have some objects on which to project our homerist impulses.

How about some video?

The attack is launched:




The final 5 km:




Meanwhile, over in the 2011 FGBC Spring Classics Pool, Queen Val fired another demonstrative salvo on behalf of the first family of vicarious racing. She won the race easily, thanks to the 1-2 punch of Cancellara and Roelandts. With a third top 10 placement from Haussler, she totalled an impressive 825 points on the day. Brad the Impaler was second with 740 points. And his sidekick KK had 610 points to grab the final podium spot.

Val now leads the overall race. With 2670 points, she leads King Andy by 65 points. Olli managed to hang on to third place, while Prince Dan dropped all the way down to 8th overall. Brad and KK both moved into the top 6. And Major Tom finds himself sandwiched between the two comrades from the Red Brigade.

Full results and overall standings here.

Tomorrow: Gent-Wevelgem, featuring all the classics studs who were too scared to line up against my boyfriend today. Check back in the morning for live video links.