Monday, April 06, 2009

Race report – Nordic Cross Finale

Courtesy of Gianni. Thank-you Gianni for doing the right thing. Long live Nordic Cross.

6 riders and a late-joining Halberto took on the tortures of the Hard as F*ck Race. I’m not sure that, overall, it lived up to its name, but it certainly had its moments.

Stage 1: Forks to Old Colin’s House
Strategic advantage was handed to those who knew where the finish line was. Unfortunately Colin and Luc were both laid up (something about special ops and sheep shearing season…). The poosher was spotted closing his blinds to block out the world and the shame of missing the race.
1 – KK
2 – Gianni
3 – Mike G.

Stage 2: Norwood Bowl Cross
5 laps (deemed not to be not too immoderate) of a short circuit that involved one dismount run up and another sometimes dismount descent depending on how your tires tracked through the crusty snow. This stage was pretty hard.
1 – Mike G.
2 – Gianni
3 – KK

Stage 3: Waterfront Drive Traffic Circles
2 laps-ish of “the old course” with sketchy water-turning-to-ice in the corners. Come to think of it, this stage was pretty hard too.
1 – Mike G.
2 – KK
3 – Johnny G.

Stage 4: Torture Chamber
See here for a full report on this. Suffice to say it was pretty hard. Halberto has the photo evidence. Brian offered that if anyone wants to post their weights as comments on the Oly Club blog, he will calculate your power to weight ratio and place it on a graph that ranges from couch potato to world class athlete (based on averages built into the software he uses). Sounds fully humiliating, but post away fellas (hey, someone has to go first)….
1 – KK (Thor)
2 – Johnny G.
3 – Mike G.

Stage 5: One-handed Garbage Hill Beer Chug Climb
Not so much hard as sketchy. Sheer ice and glazed snow made for some extra switchbacks in what is usually a straight road. Unless you’re Mike, and you take the cross route that involves running over the hill. Well played, sir.
1 – Mike G.
2 – The Impaler
3 – Tenacious V.

Stage 6: Side Saddle Downhill
Also not so much hard as… uncomfortable. But possible, it was proved.
1 – KK
2 – Halberto
3 – Gianni

Totalling the points as per the pre-race meeting yields:

KK – 12 points
Mike G. – 11 points
Gianni – 5 points
Johnny G. – 3 points
The Impaler – 2 points
Halberto – 2 points
Tenacious V. – 1 point

At the moment its looking like RRR is going to be enjoying some nice cold beer unless FGBC steps it up big time. So whatcha going to do about it? [ed--I am not terribly worried about this. When the contest starts in earnest, the FGBC will be ready. Plus, our secret weapon--the Fraggle--was not present. The most curious thing here is Halberto's disastrous showing--and with all that spring training we did too. What happened? Thank goodness he is no longer the FGBC's problem.]


Brad the Impaler said...

Ian, thanks for putting on a fun race. As always, a great night out. And thanks to Brian for the perogies, espresso and humiliation machine.

Go RRR!!

KK said...

Yes, thanks to Gianni for a fun event and thanks to Brian for opening the torture chamber to new/old friends.

Sounds like it's a good thing we have a few secret weapons of our own to unveil, eh Brad?


The Dark Lord said...

Brad is your secret weapon?

Brad the Impaler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brad the Impaler said...

Let's just say you don't ever want to get behind one or two certain guys in the Winnipeg Jets coloured jersey in a paceline. Especially after eating at the Beef Clown...

KK said...

I hope that wasn't meant to be a slight against The Impaler — that's a sure-fire way to incite a furious outburst of of wattage.

I needn't remind you of what he's capable of...

The Dark Lord said...

I have witnessed first hand the feats of strength that the Impaler is capable of. I wake up every morning and give thanks that I am not a bat.

halloewen said...


maybe i was sandbagging - in the biking sense.

verification word - hoties