Tuesday, December 16, 2008

for what its worth

harra curry, a.k.a curry cross, came and went in epic fashion last night. 8 brave souls ventured forth for the third annual edition of this race and met the east india company for the test of will and endurance. the staff, upon seeing the participants entering the restaurant, let it be known that they had been wondering whether or not the crazy cyclists would be showing up again this year (it is nice to know that one can leave a lasting impression), well we would and we did.

(bike parking)

once the participants had gathered the editor explained the event would follow the 'rules of the viking.' no one was exactly sure what that meant, but we soon discovered that vic was made chief viking and he had sole discretion when it came to judging whether each plate brought to the table met the requirements of containing enough food or not (apparently the editor forgot to bring the scale). the other rule was that one could cheat with honor. we discussed this point for some time and still felt somewhat puzzled and wishing that dr. h. was there to interpret the editor' dictum's. the final rule was the first one to complete four plates would be declared the winner, failing that, all plates must be completed within 15 minutes of the first person to have completed their third plate, unless a fourth plate was going to be attempted.

the two rookies at the table, unsure of what to make of this event jumped in and loaded up their first plates to begin the race. sadly they showed their rookieness by only completing one plate each; they both attempted a second plate but failed miserably in their attempts, thereby suffering the penalty that comes with this failure - over stuffing themselves and then having to ride feeling less than spry.

gianni played the role of tactician brilliantly as he goaded the two pre-race favourites into living up to their reputations and going for a third plate each, even after both had declared that two plates was all they could do.

vic, the viking chief, really suffered on his third plate which he poked at for over 35 minutes.

(vic's feeble attempt at completing plate three)

juan eppstien, last year's champion, apparently feel out of condition since last year's race and could only manage two and 9/10 of a plate. yes, you read that correctly, 9/10ths of a plate.

this is what was left on juan's third plate, all he had to do was finish what amounted to three more fork fulls of food. when questioned about the little bit left all juan could reply was, "i've grown tired of this taste" as he pointed to the rice and dal .

jonny b, long left for dead, re-emerged for the beginning of the nordic cross season to claim the first victory of the series. jon sprinted to an early lead and never looked back. in fact jon finished his first plate and was up for his second well before most competitor's had even tasted one of everything from their own plate's. jon was the only person to successfully complete three plates. when asked by the vic, the viking chief, how he such a thin guy could eat so much, jon replied: "i'm stretchy."

of course the eating was only the first part of the race, there was still the matter of the actual bike race. with temps dipping into the -40's (windchill), it was decided by counsel that the race would take place in the parking lot across the street from the restaurant instead of at the traditional fork's location. but before we could begin the race we had to un-secure three of the bikes which had been locked together with patrick's combination u-bolt lock. it seems like the frigid temps had frozen patrick's lock and no amount of work on the lock could get it to work. eventually we had to pick up all three bikes and bring it into the front entrance of the east india company where the warmer temperature of the front entrance allowed patrick to undo his lock

the race was shortened to one pre-lap winding through the parking lot, followed by another lap for those who ate two plates (halberto, gianni, and the editor) and a third lap for the those who ate only one plate or had not completed their final plate (vic, patrick, juan, and craig). jon won the race by just completing the pre-lap, followed by halberto, gianni, the editor, craig, dave and then patrick. vic never started the race and left for home immediately after paying for his dinner, muttering something about maybe needing to walk home as riding seemed impossible and that he had never felt so bad in his whole life.

there it is and that's the way i saw it.


The Dark Lord said...

That is beautiful.

the secretary said...

fantastic play by play. Jonny B emerges victor! Incredible! MIKILL VEGR! (words for great and honor from the Old Norse dictionary http://www.yorku.ca/inpar/language/English-Old_Norse.pdf)

that dave said...

i love it. as the good doctor has stated, it is beautiful.

to stretchy jon!

The Dark Lord said...

We need to hear more from Vic and Juan about this. And Jonny B too, for that matter. Last year, Juan and Vic were giants, crushing Jonny B with the most powerful, unflinching display of consumptive prowess. They swallowed him up almost as easily as they swallowed down those last few curried chick peas on plate number three. But yesterday, Jonny B found a way to exact his revenge. Yesterday's giants have been slayed, confined to the trash heap that is history. This is better than Hollywood, my friends. Or is it simply Norse Saga? Either way, one would be hard pressed to come up with a better storyline. Magnificent. I love Nordic Cross.

juan eppstein said...

The main departure from my winning strategy last year was that I ordered a pint. I thought I would blame my loss on the new time limit rule, but on reflection realized that time is not on your side. If you start approaching the wall, those last few forkfuls only become more difficult (ask Vic, or recall Johnny and Tom last year). Had I fully employed the full latitude of the Viking honour/cheating system, I realize in hindsight that nobody would have noticed had my 3rd plate arrived at the table with three less forkfuls of rice and dal, and the third plate would have been down (I was never worried about that piece of watermellon). By the way, did Vic survive the journey home?

Anonymous said...

Well, I did make it home without losing any curry. I have never felt worse from eating. Gluttony is truly a very bad thing, and I got exactly what I deserved. Needless to say my sleep was less than satisfactory. Congrats to Johnny B for a well run race. This little dog whimpered home with his tail between his legs, to nurse his self inflicted wounds. See you all at the club house later tonight.
tenacious v

Anonymous said...

well, other than few spelling errors and wrongly credited quotes. a well told tale.

Anonymous said...

well, other than few spelling errors and wrongly credited quotes. a well told tale. t

team jonny said...

my secret to success: last year during curry cross i worked in an office. this year i ride my bike.